new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
