I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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