It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
