They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How does it feel to date your dad?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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