I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
