I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
