This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
