that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
