Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
