I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
