I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
