Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
