no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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