There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
