is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
