My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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