the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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