"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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