just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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