Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
