dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
