The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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