I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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