I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
