She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
