Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
