genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
