so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
