He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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