my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
