I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
