i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
