And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
