I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
