If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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