I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
