i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
