you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
