i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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