Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
