Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
