So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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