Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
