Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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