It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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