i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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