Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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