I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
