I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
