Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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