The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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