i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
