Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
