had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
