His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
