Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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